It is no secret I have a weakness for hot chocolate.
It is still my hot beverage of choice, long after my peers switched to a daily coffee habit. So what does hot chocolate have to do with dementia? Everything and nothing at all.
Nothing at all? Our lives do not become a compressed, medical version of ourselves when dementia enters the picture. So moments for play, a treat, or a visit from a loved one should never become a line item on the care plan or viewed with a medical lens. It should happen simply because, and enjoyed for the beauty of being in a relationship with a loved one.
Life is made up of Moments. Dementia does not change this; these moments become more important with dementia. They are moments of joy, sorrow, care, and faith. So make some hot chocolate in your favorite mug, sit down, breathe, and savor the moment.
C.S. Lewis, the over quoted, and often miss-quoted author who clearly has left an impact on our culture. You read his writings and understand the appeal. You enter into the worlds he created and find yourself wanting to linger there. You pull a few lines from one of his books, and you’re left pondering the statement for moments to come. The following quote is one of those pondering moments for me.
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” – C.S. Lewis in The Four Loves
In our quest to provide care to those we love have we forgotten about friendship? In the unknowns of what to say, do, or how to act around another person have we forgotten about friendships? It is hard to make friends these days. It is nearly impossible. No one will deny that. Many of us have lost more friends than we thought possible through the twists and turns of life. Yet, we can sometimes appear flippant about the friend we still hold.
These losses in friendship occur for many reasons, but the one reason that pains me the most, is the friendship lost out of fear. Fear to accompany another through times of trial. Have we allowed the deterioration of friendship in our society to negatively impact those we care for living with dementia? Have we allowed the “politically correct” disease to over take our humanity and the hearts desire for companionship in all its forms? Have we allowed the media’s response to dementia and how it chooses to tell the story of dementia infect our minds and hearts in ways that are not true or beautiful?
In this hot chocolate moment, I invite to you join me on a little adventure to reinstate friendship. To reach out to that person whom we don’t know how to accompany. To send a note, text, or message to that person we once knew and now only call a “friend” on Facebook but happened to think of, in a given moment. To not fear being “wrong” and return to the hearts longing for connection and to show that our humanity is still alive and well. To not do anything that could sever the tie of friendship because your loved one now has dementia. Many people have reached out to me over the years during times of trials and suffering. Sometimes they didn’t say exactly what I needed or wanted to hear, but the warmth in which was delivered is what I remember. It is their desire to accompany me for a moment or two in my suffering that brought about a joy that sustains the spirit.
Of all the things in life we should hold with a loose grip, friendship is not one of those things. I would like to correct C.S. Lewis in is statement and say that friendship is necessary for survival. For once you discover life without friendship you see how one cannot survive. The void of friendships does in fact infect that mind and body. If you find yourself without this element of survival, you may always reach out to me, to someone you once knew, to that person you see at the monthly Memory Café. May we find ourselves once more (or maybe for the first time) wealthy in friendship.
