July 9, 2025
Dear Dementia,
I was a little harsh yesterday. And while I stand by what I said, it was a bit harsh. Today, in a conversation with someone I am here with at a conference, I was reminded about how simple we try to make you. You are the villain an nothing more. You are the “problem” we think we solve when in fact we don’t have place the first puzzle piece correctly. That can’t be true.
Even in care, we try to make things 1-dimensional when it comes to you. We regulate care down to the millisecond. We chase certifications for warm fuzzies and marketing slogans yet only make care worse in the process. We list your engagement as behaviors, and only speak in clinical terms.
I can’t change regulations. I can’t cure you. I can’t be everywhere all at once, doing everything I see needs to be done. This is impossible. On the other hand, I can accompany. I can invite people to see behaviors as communication, challenges and changes as moments for play, and to look beyond and through you and to the soul of the very person before them.
Ah, Maybe you are simple. Maybe we are the ones making you complicated and not you being already complicated and us trying to simplify you.
You truly are Both/And. You are Both complex AND simple. You can be Both unwanted And a gift. You are not about solving the game but playing it. You are not about erasing the person but magnifying what is truly important in our relationship with that person, magnifying that person’s story.
Oh gosh, this is getting out of hand, I will have to revisit this tomorrow when my head is a little clearer.
Until then,
Kate
