It is no secret I have a weakness for hot chocolate.
It is still my hot beverage of choice, long after my peers switched to a daily coffee habit. So what does hot chocolate have to do with dementia? Everything and nothing at all.
Nothing at all? Our lives do not become a compressed, medical version of ourselves when dementia enters the picture. So moments for play, a treat, or a visit from a loved one should never become a line item on the care plan or viewed with a medical lens. It should happen simply because, and enjoyed for the beauty of being in a relationship with a loved one.
Life is made up of Moments. Dementia does not change this; these moments become more important with dementia. They are moments of joy, sorrow, care, and faith. So make some hot chocolate in your favorite mug, sit down, breathe, and savor the moment.
Take a breath, make yourself a mug of hot chocolate, and pause.
As we enter the weekend, how are we preparing to connect with loved ones, opening ourselves up to the real, rawness, and joy of dementia?
This weekend, I want to share with you a possible moment you can have with a loved one living with dementia. When my grandma was living in a skilled care community in the later part of her journey with Vascular Dementia, my dad would visit on Sundays with a treat in hand. A pastry from the grocery store, a homemade cookie. They would split this treat together entering into one of the most beautiful and simple ways of connecting.
Food connects us, it allows us to use our senses to recall memories, share stories, and do something together that does not demand anything of us. On those Sundays, it was in this breaking of the bread – sometimes literally – that it didn’t matter the type of day my grandmother was having or the fears and worries that existed prior to that moment of connection. It was something done out of love, connection, and simplicity.
I too, when home from college and later home from New York, would walk into her room, baked goods in hand and we would sit, savoring each bite. It didn’t erase my grandmother’s dementia, but it did allow us to be grandmother and granddaughter, almost transcending dementia for an hour or two. It was through sharing the food that both of us enjoyed that we were able to connect and it didn’t matter that she didn’t remember that my grandfather had passed, how old I was, or that she was not going to be returning to her home. What mattered was a shared moment.
What is your “baked good” that you can share with your loved one this weekend? Food is a powerful and simple connection so don’t be afraid of it. But it doesn’t have to be food. It can be anything that engages the senses and is done together.
Cheers to Friday! Find a moment to enjoy life with loved ones and those you care for this day.
