Last Friday was Valentine’s Day. In the mix of your typical Valentine’s Day posts, I noticed an increase in posts stating something along the lines of, “I don’t need Valentine’s Day. I take care of myself. Thank you very much!” and “Who needs men/women? I don’t need anyone!” Okay, this is true we don’t need anyone, or do we? While posts on a day like this are directed towards not needing a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, and this may be true, we do need others. I wonder if it is affecting our ability to be the care partners others need us to be? It seems to be growing, this idea that we don’t need anyone, but we were created to be in communion with one another, to support, assist, care for, and spend time with each other. We all need others because we are imperfect, my gifts and not your gifts. My strengths are not your strengths. I was uniquely created for a specific purpose, and so were you. It is in coming together that we find ourselves thriving as a society, living fully alive. Imagine a world without something you love, but cannot produce it yourself? Imagine life without someone to mentor you in an area that is not your strength? We would fail. We would fall.
As care partners, we live in a swirl of life. Some moments feel like a tornado, others like a spring breeze. (Ah, spring breezes! I am ready for those again.) But, through each moment on our care partner journey, we do need others to remind us of ourselves, to guide us when we don’t have the answers we need to move forward, to take the lead when we have become nothing but a shell that bickers and snaps at the world, and thus causing greater pain for all involved. Why are we so afraid to ask for a community? Why do we feel it is a moment of failure? Yes, it is great when we can stand on our own two feet, accomplishing all we are setting out to accomplish, but we cannot be that person 24/7. I see this puffed up mindset of not needing anyone growing, and it must bleed over into our care. How can we stop the bleeding? How can we come back to the center, knowing that we can stand on our own two feet AND we can ask for help? We have lost our sense of community and what it truly means. It is a buzz word, a feel-good word, and increasing, an empty word.
As children, we need our parents and guardians to take care of food, shelter, clothing, and education. Our family is our community. As students, we need our teachers’ expertise to help guide us through the many subjects we study. Our school is our community. As young professionals and higher education applicants and students, we need people to help us navigate how our purpose and passion come together to impact those around us. Our cohort and company are our community. As new parents, we need the love and support of others and we need our children. Our loved ones and family are our community. As we grow older from birth to death we need our doctors and nurses to care for us when we are sick, we need our therapists and spiritual directors to help us navigate our world, we need our faith leaders to point us towards God and heaven. Our medial, clinical, families, friends, and neighbors are our community. As elders and those living with dementia, we need care partners to help us continue to live a life, fully alive. Those in our life both near and far are our community. At every stage of life, we need people for different reasons, and we all enjoy the feeling of being needed, it is part of our human nature. So, for this to happen, we also need to need others. We are linked. We are necessary to each other. We need a community of family, friends, care and health professionals, and neighbors.
Let us bring meaning and purpose back to the word community and all that it can be for us, for our loved ones. Let us feel the freedom to need others. What does community mean to you? How would you like to see us transform? What action steps will you take to blend standing on your own, and accepting that you too need someone?